Coloured my hair today... black... A few years ago I cut off almost all my long hair, to have this punky look. I dont know if it really looked punk, but it's always been popular and modern to have long hair and I'm never really enjoyed being all that modern. I dont know why, but I always feel like wanting to be different, sometimes it seems like I almost have to change my mind about things I actually agree with, just to stand out from the crowd. I dont know why really, maybe it's a form of aggression. I know I'm a very aggressive person, not literary, but verbally and mostly in myself I guess. Every time I really get mad, I feel like I have this huge bomb in me that wants to explode and it's pushing on me, wanting to go off. Afterwards I sometimes feel weird about it, I feel like I acted like a different person, cause normally I guess I'm very soft and I guess I used to be a very shy person when I where growing up. I still dont like being in the centre of things, I'm more like a watcher you know, but I've literary almost stopped reading newspapers (well, maybe that's a lie), they totally offend me, this and that,everything really and it's not the way I want to be. I can read about disasters, deathpenalty, fashion and general small things and get fixed up in it, I have to make a point about everything. I feel it's my fault, I'm the one here to solve it, to make things better, to change it,to put it together and I cant. I guess I'm just really sensitive, I believe people sometimes misunderstand the aggression that comes from sensitivity, they believe you want to fight and make things worse and in the end that's what often happens too... Why did I get into this subject anyway?
Did anyone read the poem Timothy McVeigh's picked as his last words before he was executed? -I have to read stuff like that, even if I dont want to.I sat up all night watching the news on CNN just before and after. Thought the poetry was pretty good and obviously well chosen... I mean it was horrible what he did, but I still dont agree with death penalty. Bush said that he was lucky that he lived in the US, but I mean most European countries dont have the deathpenalty. Here in Norway where I live, they only get 21 years in jail for the hardest crimes. I believe I will read the book on the case called
American Terrorist as soon as I get a hold of it. I get carried away on stuff like this, it really affects me. I think Timothy McVeigh was the perfect example of why we should ban the death penalty. Anyway, I've had these discussions with people from the US many times, it can leave you with a pretty bad headache, so I drop the subject here.
Just read in
Times that they found out how the universe will end and it's not in a big bomb, scary stuff, makes you reflect on things doesn't it?...
I have to post this poetry an online friend of mine wrote to me, he's a big poet and knows how to take advantage of words (and that is a rare thing)... I guess it's the most beautiful thing I ever got from someone:
Never knew a bird as intriguing and rare...
Never felt a ravens kiss on my lips...
Never felt such loss over something not mine...
Never touched the spark in your eyes...
with mine...
