I hate getting into these childish discussions about right and wrong with people online. You start off with some really good arguments that you believe are going to wipe everyone else's morals away, and you end up with the most immature battles you can think of. People have difficulties enough putting themselves into other peoples shoes when they are offline and can look you in the eye,so being online makes it even harder to get along sometimes. I dont really particularly like these email groups, like the once you can find at Yahoo Groups, but I'm a member of a few,you can see witch one on my contact page. I used to be a member of this one called Vampire Discussions. I thought it was a horror movie or group or something, but I found it to be a place of people that actually believed they where real vampires. Honestly I thought it was a little crazy and I wanted to know what made them think such a thing. We ended up not getting along and I felt I had to unsubscribe. I've always had a deep passion for vampires since I was very little and read the children's book "The Little Vampire" by Angela Sommer Bodenburg. Later on I feel those books wasn't really about vampires, but about feeling different, living in a grey city of adults that didn't understand you, you would find yourself to be sensitive and small compered to everything big. Colourful but yet suppressed, like a vampire on the run from the hunt... -A very soft, warm and sad typical story that specifically everyone sensitive would fall in love with. When you look at vampires in a symbolically way, you would find that a child's mind is more fit to seem like one; it's often very misunderstood, very immature and bold in it's choices, always honest but yet delusional, it loves make believe more than most and it makes a big scene out of anything small. Happiness goes hand in hand with sadness, everything fit together, nothing is cut apart like in the world of adults... All in all; children, like vampires are always more creative and they often inspire artists in any genre more than anything else... I think when it comes to philosophy; adults can learn a lot of things that are important from the vampire as a symbol or character of honesty. Now, what am I talking about? -Well, you know I think about these things and I'm not a dark person, I like to wear colourful clothes probably more than most, but I like black too. Night and day is a good thing for all right?, not just night, not just day, but both. I consider myself to be a Humanist more than anything else (but I don't feel like calling myself something specific), It's not something I want to sell, or express every day. I like to get around, without having to feel different because of anything in me... I felt weird to disagree with "vampires" on this email list, being such a fan of vampires myself. I obviously really expressed my human self that day and it made me think that the vampire thing is probably a more human thing than it's expressed to be.Maybe I'm verbally a really aggressive person, I don't believe in violence but I feel it's important for me to be able to say what I like without being harassed by it. I think you can always manage to be honest and truthful and still not disrespect other peoples opinions... I like to end this entry today with the email letter I wrote as a goodbye to this vampire email group.
From my point of view: I actually think I'm a human... maybe a little strange, but still a human... a question I like to ask is; could the desire for blood drinking be a human desire?... isn't sex a human thing then?... Isn't blood drinking very related to sex, I mean it's not something a child would do, drinking blood and making out... so could it be human to drink blood, spill it on purpose, like we spill other childish things on purpose... isn't drugs a pretty human thing?... religion is a human thing, like groups and cultural movements are human, -people find in themselves to believe in anything and whatever as long as they feel accepted and equal to other people... I mean I dont really think there would be any vampire wannebee's if it wasn't a big subculture promoting it... just think about it, isn't it human to be influenced and doesn't it happen without you even noticing it?... people want to feel different and special because of the bigness to everything, they feel the vanish in it and since it is a human thing to want to feel noticed they start to feel different... so could today's vampire wanne bees be dead and long goon in a few years, by another hot something for the lost and the lonely outsiders?... if you never manage to prove the value in your desires, your art or your friendship, -you will never either manage to keep it... and if you will find other human ways to express it, give it and desire it you will eventually change, -just like sex change it's expression and reasons all the time... so could it be a human reason to drink blood?... ever thought about it?... if so wouldn't it be a disappointment to people that feel they need to make themselves special with invisible dreams, non-existing shadows... would they become the losers they truly are in the eyes of the intellectual?... would it be a crime to make them discover their own silliness, because if they find a way to function in the society; does it matter what way they find, as long as they manage to believe in something in order to become something, to dare to do something. Would the intellectual be criminals then, making them commit suicide or other crimes, -because of shedding the truth?... If it's not a sin, but a reason to drink blood for a human, I guess the mature mind would say that it's a matter of art and not crime or childishness. A way to express very HUMAN desires and a vampire is then really a work of art and sometimes even political expression... If you have an open mind and learn to grow I guess you would eventually be disappointed in a lot of the different kinds of individualism. You would notice that strange, fantastic and "out of the ordinary" supernatural kind of things do happen to the most human people in your neighbourhood, -sad but true if your immature enough to feel small because of it, but great if you're mature enough to understand that it's better to live in a society where art and human expression matters more when it comes to living in a human ("inhuman") world...
Goodbye everyone, it was interesting, I learned a lot about vampire (wannabe)'s like yourself, I'm going to take the information with me out into the world and tell everyone how wonderful and open minded you all are! How you made me feel welcome and wanted into your little safe haven, even though I was only a silly little human... I have a friend you know, a vampire, he thinks or he is a vampire since birth just like you people, he have suffered a lot, too much because of peoples narrow mindness and stupidity. He also have a problem finding donors and general problems with his special and very fantastic holy spiritual abilities. It's not easy being a vampire obviously. He's actually a human wannabe, believe it or not, and I understand him; because all he ever wanted was to be human, have lots of friends, not feel different, or special, just be normal. That's why it's so great for him to have friends like myself, that can teach him about humanism and he can teach me about his vampirism... Hey,that was a joke, I don't have a friend like that... I'm not a vampire but I've always felt different, searching for a place to belong, people that felt and thought just like me, it's difficult then you know, cause I cant go around and wish I was a human, since you are vampires I guess you don't know; but it's NOT easy being a human, your kind are not the only ones feeling different and put aside. I've never felt a lot of acceptance in any subculture really, never really fitted in anywhere. It's not really sad, because I think I manage to understand where a lot of people come from, having been around a lot of different kind of minds. I have a lot of different friends, we share good and bad things, human and things you don't know what to call or do with, the important thing is that no one is that different that they cant find some small equal things in each other. I've learned that and I always have that in mind when I enter a new environment. In the end then you don't feel that different and weird and you learn to accept differences in yourself better by learning about the difference in others. And eventually you can learn that even a Jew and a Nazi are not that different after all, and that they actually can learn things from each other, or maybe it's a naive romantic thing to think?. I guess it's a process and a lot of sacrifices, you maybe have to lose certain things in yourself, I dont know, but maybe it's worth it. I hate a lot of things, but I'm going to have to live with a lot of those things every day anyway, facing them in the community, so in the end it's worth a try... You know I don't believe in vampires, but I do think it's good way to express a lot human emotions for a lot of people, a great art form and a very expressive and much needed political expression sometimes (like subcultures often are). I think the important thing is not to grow too close to only one culture, it can often cause a lot of ignorance and stupidity, eventually a lot of people that truly longed for open mindness and tolerance end up being just like the environment and groups they were running from. Very sad but I guess you all agree with me and see were I'm coming from. Forgive for all the trouble and grief I've maybe caused you by being honest (or rude...), it was never meant to judge you!... Maybe wannabes are a negative word for someone that spend most of their time trying to convince themselves and everyone else that they are real. To me it's not a negative word and I love vampires, even the vampire wannabes. Cause in my opinion the real vampires only exist in movies, so the ones in reality must then be vampire wannabe's. I mean I always wanted to be like those in the movies, but in the end of the day I think a lot of people, specially those on your list are going to find themselves as plain as a wannabe. I guess it's plain, because they are plain, plain in their whole persona, not because the word or the state of mind is plain, but because the person found the plainness in themselves and they like to blame whoever made them recognise it. It's difficult to communicate with people that come from another place, talk differently, think differently and act differently, sometimes it's a waste of time trying, sometimes it can be a good difference added.
However I decided to leave you now, in peace. Why meet other kinds of people then, when you wont be able to lose your own language a bit? Let a person say they are sorry once about how everything turned out and lets leave it there, to make someone feel they should have to say it twice makes everything seem stupid, to repeat yourself only makes me repeat myself. I guess every vampire on the list are all mature people that know what they are doing and stick to it because it's what they stand for. That's what I do as well. Good luck with everything you are getting yourself into. I hope your safe haven can grow larger, stronger and colourful by time, and that you only get people that share all your wonderful thoughts and abilities on the list, and that you don't have to stumble upon silly people like myself anymore. Thank you all very much for the time given.
