When I was little I did want to live in a castle. A little. It seemed romantic, I had a fairytale view of it. I didn't really want to grow up though. I didn't want to be a princess, as they looked grey and boring to me. If I ever became an adult, I wanted to be a house wife. I wanted that more than the castle really. Obviously I didn't see the irony in being a house wife in a castle. It was my romantic idea and childish view of things... I remember I asked my first and best friend when I was little, his name was Ola, if he didn't want to marry me. He didn't seem like the idea as much as I did, I think he just wished to be a cowboy. I dont know him anymore... Now that I do know what the adult world is all about I have changed my mind about what I want. Or maybe not really. It wasn't really a castle I wanted, I wanted the romantic exitement that surrounds these things. I think if I ever would have gotten a castle, I probably would have ended up as an alcoholic, I would have had a lot of bad friends and been a very lonely rich loser. I belive so, even though I dont drink much and I dont think I'm naive. It's just that I'm not very good with money, because it's really not what I want or care about... I guess I'm quite sensetive, often I dont know if I really like the world, or people...
I never read gossip magazines, as I always seem to find something that shock the little sensetive me. I find these things stupid. They are not really worth talking about, but lets look at the whole picture. Is it good kitsch or is it bad art they want to sell? Do I want either one? They want to tell us to go for our dreams, but what about going for yourself? What have unprofessional makeup advices and "ridiculously happy" family pictures of people you dont know, to do with dreams? Isn't it fake somehow? Isn't these people always on stage, even when they are not? I belive this is a good reason to think that a lot of celebrities are not well in the head. What kind of life do people that read these magazines have?, those that care about what kind of furnitures their favorite actor sport in the living room? It's good reasons in my opinion to not want to become famous, in any way. People stress trough their life and seem to forget about the small things. Personally I would rather want to live in a small house trailer in a public park, than having a 60 million worth castle and 160 famous drug addict friends lurking around. Honestly...
I'm not a fan of materialism. I think it breeds greed, ignorance and stupidity in every extreme way. I like the simple side of life, I like to take things one by one, not run over everything in one day. Certain people claim that we have only one life, so we should do everything once. I'm not sure about that, I think life is too short to be able to live trough everything. I would be happy if I can say I've learned this one thing, I have this one experience that made me mature and I have this one thing that I care about. If you really care about something, whatever it may be, the size or the material worth of it doesn't matter then. Not to me at least. I think the size of emotions are more valuable, than any other kind of size. I think it's better to have spent your whole life trying to live your own life, than living your whole life trying to live everyone's life. I have no wish to lecture anyone, I'm just expressing what I feel. The material things is not a Satan if you know how to use it well. It's peoples way of living that are negative, not the things they choose to run their lifes. Someone asked me once, how I could be a anti metarialist in the society we live in today. I look at TV and I play computer games. I'm not against the things, I'm just saying that I'm emotional about it. These things would not matter to me in themselves. I hate the fact that all these modern and popular people always look so happy on the cover of entertainment magazines. I dont really hate them, I hate the image, the attitude... I'd like to see the human behind the masks of the actors, If I cant, then I dont want to see anything at all. If I had the chance to speak, I would not want to talk about my nice expensive popularity. People suck into these things and forget about what it means. I mean does it mean anything at all in the end?...
