What is it with snakes and metal bands? I just saw this tv commercial about some metal album. One word: snakes.
Does it make them cool? Is there are rule that says metal bands must have big snakes in their videos, on their albums, tattoos or stage show?
Snakes are cool looking maybe, but they are not that cool.
Thanks for all the lovely birthday wishes I got on my day, the first of September. I dont celebrate my birthday anymore, but it's always nice with a small comment or card. So, thanks!
Birthdays were fun in the old days, when I could count on my fingers how I old I was about to become. Now today, it just makes me feel old. The worst thing is when someone ask you how old you are on the special day. I try to keep the day as a secret. Even though I'm still young, I feel life is running away from me. I'm slightly sensitive about it, I'm thinking that there are so many things I should have done by now. I guess I tend to compare myself too much with other people. Everyone needs their own special time to grow and mature, that's why it's silly to think that you should do this and that at a certain age. -But I think a lot of people struggle with this, because society is buildt upon so many unwritten rules.
Anyway, I'm glad my birthday this year is over. My mum promised she would make me muffins or something next weekend. She wanted to do it on my day, a cake of course. I told her I would appreciate it if she could wait until the birthday wasn't so close, in that way it wouldn't be a birthday cake. Muffins is not very birthday related. So that will be nice.
Another thing. Three words: Yesterday. Bed. Spider.
Yes, it did happen. The worst thing of things that isn't really terrible or deadly, but just simply awful and scary.
It was in my bed. It was not small. I was about to put my bare leg into the bed. Lay down. Turn off the lights. Anything would be less horrifying. I have a huge fear of spiders see.
The strange thing is that the last summers, have included me having quite extreme spider experiences. We have always had a lot of spiders here, or at least one or two now and then, mostly in the summer. They have usually been found out in the hall, outside my room. Some have been inside my room. All of them have been found on the floor.
We, or lets say I, with my arachnophobia, have tried with different things to get rid of them. Maybe not entirely (that would maybe be a naive thing to hope for), but at least create an environment they dont particularly enjoy living in. Not really knowing a lot about spiders and their likes and dislikes, I have just tried different products that I have come across. Like a laserbox that dispatched sounds that humans couldn't hear (I could hear the sound though, but I have never thought of myself as a human after all. So, not a big shock.) We placed it out in the hallway. It attracted dead flies (I guess they were alive when they came there, but anyway), no dead spiders. There were apparently spiders in my room and I am convinced they came there to escape the laserbox. Often there was one behind the box. It seemed to be more insects in the lower part of the house (where we had the box) in one month, than there had been on one year. So the box had to go.
After this, I have bought insect sprays. I have used so much insect spray that I once consumed it myself (not intentionally). I became very ill. The spray said "Only lethal for cold-blooded creatures". A spider had come out from underneath my desk. I went insane with the spray. Because I was alone in the house. I felt brave with the spray. The spray made me feel brave, because I dared to be in the room (with boots on) with the spider and spray. After many spray hours, it came out from somewhere. I opended the spraybottle and poured on the weakened spider. I felt sorry for it, but I was also scared of it, even after it was dead. And then it was my turn to feel ill. That day I had been a spiders worst enemy, but also my own worst enemy. I lay like a half dead bug in bed and puked on the carpet.
We still use this spray, but not in such an extreme dose as I did that day. No matter what, for a strange reason, the spiders have become more frequent and not just on the floor. Last summer I found this huge mouse sized spider, walking up my leg in the hallway stairs. I shaked my leg to try to get it off, but it only resulted in it walking upwards. Then I couldn't see it anymore. Picture yourself how terrible that situation must be for someone who fears spiders; it's on your back, but you dont know where. Luckily for me I wasn't alone and eventually my mother would understand what I screamed about. I was in the stairs when it happened, I trew the things I had in my hands and my mother claimed that I had acted so wild, that she thought I was going to fall and hurt myself in some way. Somewhere in all the craziness I managed to mention the spider and my mother said no, there was no spider on my back. This only made it worse of course. I would rush to the bathroom and get my trousers off and by that it landed on the floor. My mother would then get the spider, which looked like a big grey garden type of spider, not the kinds we usually have inside the house.
The garden spiders are worse of course. And I'm thinking; they are maybe more aggressive too, less fearful as they are not so used to people. They are more wild maybe. At least they are bigger. I spin things like this in my head, particulary when I'm lying in bed and cant sleep. I feel smart with my tiny spider knowledge. The fear grows. I just know what they are like, I know what they want to do to me. A friend of me told me there was an article in a serious science magazine, that said that spiders like to crawl into peoples mouth at night, when they sleep, because spiders love small cave alike wet openings. When they got into the back of your throat you would automatically swallow in your sleep and end up eating it without knowing. Maybe it would get stuck in your gullet for a moment, only to crawl back up. When I was little I drank from a straw in a bottle and got a earwig stuck in my gullet, it crawled up and I coughed it out and saw it crawling on the table. I felt like a piece of paper when it came up my throat, I couldn't understand why it kept coming up when I swallowed. Afterwards I was glad I didn't know it was a bug when I had it down there. Not too long ago, a friend of me told me she woke up with a spider in her face. I'm thinking; it was probably heading for her mouth, hoping the door would be open.
And not too long ago, this summer. A half sized black house spider crawled over my lap here in my office chair. Luckily for me again, I wore my long black silk nighttrousers and I kicked my legs as I screamed and off me it flew. Saved. But the spider had to be found of course, otherwise I could not sleep in my room. A spider was found and I hoped it was the one that had been on my lap.
I also had one on my desk not to long ago. Never found.
Luckily for me once again, I always search the bed for bugs before I go to bed. My mother (that loves spiders) try to tell me that the bed searching is not necessary, as we spray so much. Last night she was wrong. The spider was there in my bed. Now I sleep on the couch. With clothes on. It's terrible to sleep there and I woke up today with a pain in my shoulders and back, warm and sweaty in all the clothes.
I was not scared of spiders as a small child. I used to eat or poke them. But I remember an episode at the beach house we had when I was little. Me and my brother was checking out the small crabs that the fishermen had got in their fishing nets. My brother put a small crab in my palm and closed my hand, I felt it crawling under my fingers. I would cry about it, but my brother would keep my hand closed. My brother was usually quite nice, but naturally not always. I have a feeling that this episode is a result of my fear of spiders, because crabs look like spiders and I'm scared of them as well.
