Again I'm amused at the Christmas decorations on town, again I imagine that they hanged them there, just for me. Again I enjoy the silly little carols, on the radio and I see myself, instead of George Michael, singing in his Last Christmas music video. And I actually look at the family friendly films, they send once again, on TV this year. Small small things annoy me, now and then, like; why don't they send the Beatrix Potter Ballet anymore? What's all this stress for?... I'm a kid at heart and will always be, I will never not stop and see...
I have already eaten Christmas cakes and candy, but I found myself to need even more. My parents will get a new micro oven, my good good friend got a book she wanted and another one got a perfume she likes. Of course I have bought gifts for myself aswell, because that's what I do. I planned to not give my brother and his girlfriend anything this year, because they get a million small and big things, for their baby daughter. It's a bit too much, somehow it's not enough. But if I get time, I will make them a CD, with personally selected songs. Of course I will have to pick music, that I assume my brother and the girlfriend will like, if they hear a song they don't like, it's because I made it, it matters not. It's a personal gift and it's NOT one for the baby.
It might just happen, that this CD wont be finished, before the holidays are over. It's just way too much to do, before you can rest and I don't really want to do anything. I put my lazy leg down and I turn on the Launch radio's holiday stations. You might say it's bad of me, to not finish my brother's gift in time, but I honestly don't pity him, he's getting so much gifts this year, he might aswell start donating to the poor.
I wonder if parents, lose a bit of themselves when they get a baby. Have you noticed? Looking at people like my brother and his girlfriend and their new creation, it makes me feel that I wouldn't really want to be them. It's not my dream, I would like to fall in love and travel on a fairytale of romance (not too sweet of course) and friendship and fun, without losing myself. I wouldn't like to end up saying; -"No, we cant, we have to hurry get to bed, for the baby". How awful, I think. And then people start giving gifts, to the baby, instead of the parents. And they get so snobby, so know-it-all, done-it-all wiseass persona. And they forget themselves, but of course, not all parents have to be the same way.
Every time their baby cried, I wanted to leave the house. As a kid I wanted a baby doll to dress. I found out as an adult, that babies are actually not dolls, how fun is that? I'm still rather egotistic and immature I suppose, it's always me, me, me. Apart from that, I'm a rather kind person, rather sacrificing and I would have liked to mean something, to someone...
Well now I lost track, of what I was suppose to write about. This Christmas will be calm, I will stay with my parents and we will eat pork ribs with great wonderful gravy, look at the Christmas shows on TV and watch the nice tree we got. After Christmas eve we will stress out in the cold, meet my brother, his girl and the baby and the French folks, at the airplane station. Then we will rush out by car, to two rented cabins in the mountains. The cabins have, for the love of myself, TV sets and real toilets. We will stay there over new years eve, one week. I assume I will get slightly bored and homesick there, but I had to come along, it's a family thing after all. I will miss my computer in ways, that only a psychologist would have understood, because it always happen.
While away there, I will bring with me my digital camera, so I will share some cabin pictures when I get back. I will most likely read a lot while being there, I'm not the person to go climbing the mountains, to look at the panorama view and skydiving down the hills. I've got lazy written on my behind and that is my hobby number one. Hopefully we will be able to get a grilled royalchicken for me, as the rest of the people eat lamb.
The best thing this year will be the food and the red and the TV shows... So far it has been the decorations, the music and the candy. And as always the little spark in the heart, the hope, that this year, I will find my place in life, my happiness and leave the old me behind. Good lucks to me!...
With Best Wishes For The New Year!
Much LOVE to all that reads me!