Lets talk about soap opera. A few years ago, before I got my very own television. I often sat and watched The Bold And The Beautiful with my parents. Not because I liked it, but because I wanted to lure them into watching something else. Now my parents doesn't look at it any more. It's many years since they did. But I look at it. On my own television set.
I have seen all the most common soaps. Not because I loved them, not because they were special or interesting, but because I couldn't look away. It's like, if a neighbor would put itself naked in front of it's window. You wouldn't want to look, but you would want to look.
Between the old soaps I grew up with; Falcon Crest, Dallas and Dynasty. I liked Dynasty the most. I did, because it was so much ravishment over it and Alexis was such a bitch. And I learned that adults kiss with their mouth open.
I thought; It must be something unique, waking up depressed in the morning, with the hair agreeably shaped for a party and masked with a perfect make up, while you are still lying on the pillow. And it must be something unique, to be able to get up and face a wonderful panorama window view of high shiny skyscrapers. I envy that. Especially the panorama view. Because wouldn't it make me feel like a god? Looking out onto the world. Even of you were an alien or just a very lonely person, a panorama view would make you feel powerful. In control... Out there somehow...
I would want to have a panorama view to the world of Blade Runner, because the light shadings are so nice in that movie. And it has skyscrapers shaped like pyramids... And... I could live forever lonely and satisfied, if I had a panorama view like that.
All soap operas are the same. You only have to see one, to have seen them all. In the The Bold And The Beautiful they seem to use the same rooms, for different places sometimes. You can also easily see that some of the panorama views are fake. Some of them look too colorful, too flashy, fantasy alike. Silly. A few years ago, the scenes seemed to mostly take place inside. And the lighting were more staged. Maybe they got complains, because now they often film outside and they added restaurant scenes, sea backgrounds, talking in the car moments, wind in hair effects and such I cant remember existed before.
I used to hate The Bold And The Beautiful for it's silly title and for the confined oppressive environment. I mean; would you like to live your life in a never ending labyrinth of tragic romance, greed and competition? In rooms with shady lighting and with so many huge flower decorations, that it looks like a funeral or wedding room? The flower decorations are wonderful though, and it's the only thing that really is very beautiful in Bold And The Beautiful. But no one ever comments on them. Never. Which is strange, because you'd think that beautiful people would be interested in beautiful things. But the flowers are just there. And they cry and yell and kiss and try to kill each other, next to all the decorations. No one ever says something like: "Wow, another fresh extremely huge flower decoration, it's a bit odd that they exist everywhere I go. I hope I'm not having an awful nightmare, where I do the same thing over and over again. Or that I'm actually living in a soap opera."
At the same time when The Bold And The Beautiful is on, there is another soap on the other channel. It has many of the same actors in it. It has the shady lighting and the flower decorations. I have wondered if it's just as addicting as The Bold And The Beautiful. I started to like The Bold And The Beautiful, to look forward to it, before I even noticed I had started to like it. At first, I didn't admit to my parents that I sat and watched it. It was a bad thing. It's like Norman Bates and his women. You don't want to uncover the fact that you love, the things you think of as bad. For me it's the gossip, the terrible secrets and the emotional violence.
Many would say that, women maybe, tend to enjoy the soap opera thing, more than men. I think perhaps, that it's a little truth to that. The soaps wouldn't be as good, if there were no bitchy awful female leg in it. The one that picks men, like I would pick chocolates from a confectionery box. Eat the good ones first and when there are only bad ones left, decide that they were all really eatable somehow. Besides, if I don't eat them all, someone else will. So. When this woman runs her hazarding anarchy over her little box of men; you love to hate her. And when she's caught and turns on her psychotic charm, you know when to feel sorry for her. Until she gets her box back. And then we have the important tie guy, with the sparkly drinks and the panorama views to represent him. He must fit in there too.
The soaps lasts for years and years. Always the same thing, over and over again. They swap some actors, get older and get a few new ones. But nothing really change. You'd think that a man with a bad heart, would in fact maybe be okay in an environment like that. A fancy new crazy situation in his life every week, would make the worst drama moments in grey reality, into everyday intermission.
Wouldn't it be great if they added something really strange or shocking, into a soap opera episode? Something so uncommon, so rare, that you would have to start watching the series, even if you hated it. You would see something that actually puzzled you. But then the strange little detail wouldn't show up, until fifty more boring soap days.
I have thought about this. Made up strange points in my head they could have added in. Just for fun. Just for the small moments. Just too see if they could get away with it.
One thing they could do, is have two little tiny flies on one of the huge flower decorations. They would perhaps, have sex. On the decoration. While in the same picture, there would be a typical soap opera scene. It could for example include the angry looks and corny facial emotional displays, they have in a final statement. You know, when they turn away from the characters viewpoint and face the camera, but looking into nothing. The background music reach a climax and there is a long pause, that would never occur in reality. The face speaks of revenge or some other passionate human desire. And if you would see such facial expressions in reality, it would make you scared or think twice. But in the soaps they never question why people take long conversational breaks and turn their backs to them. It's normal. Anyway, if they added the flysex, it would make old women correct their glasses and young people laugh. It was probably just a clip mistake, people would then think. It wasn't supposed to be there. They forgot to cut it out.
After a year with the same old stuff again, nothing strange. They could add a little weirdness again. Now, they could have two bigger flies, in the same errand as the small ones. But this time they would sit on a person's shoulder. Again this would happen in a moment, when there were a serious turning point going on in the soap drama. People wouldn't just fix their glasses or laugh this time, they would also forget what had been said and done around the flies. And how evil wouldn't that be. Soap operas usually leave you waiting for months, on the climax of a situation. In this case, it would be more difficult to think, that they just forgot, to cut out a bad scene.
After awhile something different would happen. One of the characters would discreetly show signs of wanting to urinate. You know, not daring to go to the bathroom situation. This would be funny, because the soap characters never go to the toilet. Eventually this person would sit down, in a wonderful (probably very expensive) couch and the storyline would continue from there. Then when it gets off the couch, you will see a large wet spot were it sat. Just like with the huge flower decorations and the flies, no one seem to notice. Except for the viewer. And the urine person acts as usual when you get a glimpse of a huge wet spot, on it's clothes too. A year later, you will see the same type of spot on another couch. And then there will be lots of wet spots, here and there, now and then, everywhere.
Then something really shocking would happen of course.
Two years later, another actor will simply put itself behind a door and urinate (fully clothed of course). You will only see the person's face and there will be the background music reaching a climax and the long pause of facial expressions. The fact that you don't see the person doing what it seems like it's doing, will make you wonder. The scene will end with the character making wiping sounds with his bare hands. Then he or she, will start rubbing it's face wet, with what you imagine is it's own urine. Again, no one seem to notice and the urine loving character, acts as usual in all other situations.
Some people would stop watching the series after this scene. Some of them would complain. Others wouldn't say anything, to anyone about it. They would keep it as a secret. Question their sanity. Eventually some of them would look at it again and then everything would seem to be normal.
And it would. For a year or two.
Then another actor would freak out for a little short moment. It would be one of those sparkly drinks men. He would seem to urinate in his glass. Of course, again we would not really see this, we would just be given an idea of what was happening. Then he would hold the glass and sip to it, trough soap opera conversation, that no one would pay attention to.
Before the series would be taken off normal television, they would manage to squeeze in a urine feast party episode, where they all showed their love for urine.
