The People On TV

Just sat and watched Big Brother, you wouldn't believe that of me would you (?). I'm just desperately trying, to see the positive in this reality show, trying to see a meaning, find something in these people that I can actually like. I watch a lot of TV, so it's not like it doesn't come natural to me, but I always try to click away from entertainment, that only give me a bad feeling in the gut. Big Brother is such a show, it's a pain to watch and I decided I wanted to open up slightly and just give it a try.

I'm easily bothered, I get immensely mad over the smallest things and often I see them on TV. It's in the news, in the shows, in the damn commercials in between. My pulse rise and I feel my blood preassure build up. I remember I took the preassure once, while looking at TV and I was shocked to see, what a wildly unhealthy heart rhythm I have, it boomed up by the slightest irritation. I flipped over and saw one of those shows, with women in small bikinis and that was it, my preassure went mad. I heard something that I didn't like in the news coverage and there it was rising again. Fury. Madness. Convulsion. You think it's human? Yes.

It's not good to be so sensitive though, when I was a kid, I was not even as sensitive as I am today. As an adult you can take the world upon your shoulders and attempt to carry it, as a kid I thought the world was my responsibility, but back then, it was only my neighborhood. Problem is, I still think the world is my responsibility, but it grew over my head and I cannot fix it, nor change the things I don't like.

So why would I try to watch Big Brother? -Well, first of all because I'm not such a narrow minded person, although I tend to judge people by the faces, easily, without knowing them. I'm not ignorant, although I ignore quite a lot. It's popular today, to say that you don't judge and discriminate, any type of person, or group of people. I'd rather say, that I will want to try, to always be honest about who I am. If I may be wrong or bad, I want to stand for this, take lesson from it and grow. I don't want to try to please people, in order to get them to like me, or in order for me to fit in. If I dare, when I dare, I will speak up against people, when there is a moment for that. And I will do it without shame or regret.

Openmindedness is an abused word, it's a part of our popularity culture now. The word has lost it's meaning trough it, it's lost a sense of value. You are not suppose to try to understand people, try to see the goodness in them, you are just suppose to blindly accept everything. I think it's more common, that people brag about their openmindedness, because of trying to follow the modern terms, to fit in, than it is for them, to be honest about who they really are. People think things, that they will never speak of. They do things, that they never question. They behave in ways, that they never even care about and yet they dare to call themselves openminded. To be openminded is not to accept, openmindedness is the wish to learn more, to grow and to take lesson also from other peoples experiences.

I think that almost all people judge, before they know. And everyone have to learn to ignore, to be ignorant, to something. You can't let the whole world, or everything onto you. You learn from knowledge, to try to change the things you see as wrong, because sometimes you are able to make people consider it. And you learn from experience, to accept the things you cant change, because sometimes you must face the fact, that everyone cant see, what you see and maybe it wasn't even meant to be that way. I think everyone do this, on their own terms and people judge others, as they see fit, inside themselves. You can see it in the behaviour, in the words, in the attitude, so it rarely matters what people brag about, when it comes to openmindedness. The words of people doesn't matter at all.

There's a reason why and I would ask a why to everything. So I judge and I ask my why and I base my judgement on the answer I get. At the end of the day, I ask myself a why aswell and I find then; that people are connected, we are not single, none of us are unique, everyone judge and sometimes you want to break out of your judgement, because you do feel warm about people, in the end. Your judgement is based on other peoples judgement, on fear, on a wish to connect to something good and separate it from the bad. And all anger that leads outward, also leads inward at the end of the day. People judge themselves, the way they judge others.

For me growing up, I have always believed in first impression, I was not the most naive kid. I was critical and cautious, with strangers. I judge people by the face, by their body language and I decide almost instantly, if I like the person or not. Usually I don't turn away from people, being rather shy, I'm not the one who picks friends like a box of crayons; they come to me and stay or leave, bad or good, on their own terms. I have never left a friend, if I lost one, it was by their own choice, or because we fell apart. But I believe in first impression, because I have noticed that my judgement was better and more honest, at the first encounter. When you get to know someone, you try to see the good parts in it, you want to and I think, even in my not so good friends, I managed to see things I liked. You forgive people, when you know them. But in end I have noticed, that people usually are the way, they appeared to be, the first time I met them...

I decided to look at Big Brother, to see if it could change my outlook on these type of people there. At the end of the show, I just felt numb, I felt dumb for even trying. It's a bunch of insecure, shallow, nonsense people with more animal instinct than animals, with less brain than ants. And they go off on alcohol and sex, because of the lack, or talent for any other interests. Pretty much all the women there, are fake breasted, no personality whatsoever, makeup interested kids. Pretty much all the men there are retarded, uneducated in the higher compartments, low life sex bragging fools. And when people are so "little", you notice how unattractive you think they are. Maybe there is one or two, that actually have a small tiny thing to contribute, to the overly pathetic group of human beings, but they fall short, if they exist at all, in such a place.

So I say this; I judge the type of people, who join a show like Big Brother. I judge them without knowing them; thinking that they represent the dumb majority, of our unconscious society. The wannebe famous, the wannebe special, the wannebe better than everyone else, the winner of the day. And people like these, are the reason why I don't like the disco, the bars, the Saturday evening places on town. -I want to be wrong, I want to discover that this is not the way it is. Because it leaves me with my harsh brutal judgement, my narrow outlook on the world, my disbelief in people in general, my resentment.

You think maybe, that I'm rather dark and that I need a break from myself. I have thought about it, asked myself a why and given myself an answer. Overall I think, I'm a rather cheerful type of person and I think there is a lot of people, who think the way I do. The difference is that some, are better at distancing themselves, from the things they need to ignore, in order for them to find a place to fit in.